Royal Ascot Broke L

Royal Ascot Broke L

What a week we have had in the Robson-Malone family.

We had a blast at Royal Ascot last week but thats what broke L. Physically broke her! The all day champagne and prosecco drinking made her pancreas very unhappy although we didn’t realise it at the time. We then headed up to Newcastle with a lovely trip to my most favourite beach in my hometown. The kids loved it and were unaware of the pain L was in. It floored her three times when I said that we really need to go to the hospital but L being L said she was fine and we went out for a fish and chips tea at the seaside!!!

Saturday her pain continued which she thought was trapped wind. She took every over the counter medicine possible in the hope to get rid of it but she was still struggling. How on earth she made it through her sister’s wedding celebration, even making a speech, I have no idea. She’s just another warrior.

In hindsight it was a blessing that we had the 3 girls with us at the party so L wasn’t keen on having many drinks as if she had of ‘gotten on it’ with our friends things could’ve been much worse. Back at our hotel room, which we had squeezed the 5 of us in, L was in a lot of pain and by 2am she’d decided she really needed to go to hospital. I was wracking my brains for someone who we know and trust, who could look after the girls AND would be sober on a Saturday night and I was stumped. The only person I could think of was working nightshift at the time. So the best I could do to offer support was to order her an uber and track her journey to the hospital.

After a misdiagnosis of gastroenteritis L returned to the hotel and we drove the 6 hours home. The journey was awful, although the kids were amazing. L moaned all the way home and not in her usual lets-have-a-whinge-about-everything manner but physical moaning in agony. We dropped the big girls off on our doorstop with a friend and headed straight to our local hospital.

It’s only when we arrived in A and E with L crying in so much pain that she tells me she’s got blood in her wee and has done since the service station 4 hours ago but she didn’t want to tell me as she knew I would make her go to the nearest hospital. OMG! Damn right I would have!!! What a total idiot!! How she managed to sit in the car for all that time just to get us back to our home, and support network, I have no idea. Seriously she’s stronger than an ox this one!

They were quick to try and get her pain sorted and to start the investigations and it was looking really serious. To make it harder the A and E nurse wasn’t keen on the tiniest human being there for the risk of infection and there I was between a rock and a hard place. Absolutely wanting to protect our little baby from anything that can cause her harm but being so worried and scared for my wife, and soul mate, who needed me. Thankfully L was moved to a ward quite quickly so I only spent a short time outside a blubbering mess feeling helpless and pretty useless. To be fair the whole time I’ve been feeling pretty useless as there’s very little I can do. I guess that will change when she gets home.

So after a few hours, several blood tests and scans, they diagnosed it as pancreatitis. They’ve told us it could’ve been fatal and it’s life threatening. It’s also caused by alcohol. L was mortified. She doesn’t drink every day, or even every week, but when she does have a drink she can put away quite a bit but she has been reassured that this can happen to anybody it’s just the luck of the draw and this has been one big reality check for her. It means no more alcohol EVER. You that know L will take a few seconds to get your head around that! I really thought that she would be upset about it but quite the opposite. She said it’s the wake up call she needed to turn her life around and to be there for us all. I said it was payback for the last 5 years which I’ve spent pregnant and breastfeeding and her best mate said she can be designated driver next time they jet off to Vegas! Obviously we are giving her the sympathy she needs!!!

After the initial shock and a couple of days, we thought getting better, L deteriorated which is really common with pancreatitis and she was moved to a high dependency unit. This was alarming but as usual L had to make a joke of it. She said “it’s like first class. It’s got air conditioning. Lots of nurses. No noise. It’s like an upgrade.” Well we couldn’t have her slumming it could we? Plus they brought me cups of tea too so I can’t complain and oh how they cooed over tiny legs. The staff have been giving her cuddles and getting no work done making her smile and competing with one another to make her laugh. It’s cheered L up no end, brightening her day showing off her baby.

Little legs and I have spent the majority of the week at the hospital and when L has needed to rest I’ve wandered the corridors stopping off at the restaurant for hot chocolate and daily menu specials, visited the chapel for some quiet time and added L to their Prayer tree and sat outside in the courtyard trying to enjoy this lovely sunshine. We have certainly been trying to make the most of an awful situation, plus I have to keep myself busy at times like this.

Slowly she’s been getting better which is clear as she’s annoyed at me for nagging her. I’m sure she’s just done this to get some peace to watch the world cup! I even went to watch the England game with her thanks to another kind babysitter.

I’ve had no rest. The days have been long and I had to admit defeat by Thursday when I was feeling tired, emotional and overwhelmed so when a friend offered to bring dinner on Friday I let my stubborn personality and pride go and gladly accepted it with open arms. I do not know how I would’ve managed this week without our support network. Our community strikes again!!! I’ve had help with last minute childcare, dropping the children off, feeding the children and entertaining them, meals delivered to the door, constant messages of support and offers of help and lots of lovely hugs just when I need them most. I feel so grateful and blessed to have these wonderful people in our life and when I mention to L what’s happening at home or who has the kids or what other act of kindness has occurred she just cries and says she feels humbled. I have no idea what we have done to deserve these folks I just hope we can pay it forward somehow.

The latest news is that although L will be unwell for a few weeks she may be well enough to come home tomorrow. So here I am now running round the house like a nutter trying to get things up to standard for my wife. See I know when she first gets back she will be just glad to be here but after a day or two it’ll be “why’s this not clean?” “Why hasn’t this been done?” And that’s fine, I can roll my eyes and bear it for about a week before I’ll be politely telling her to shut up! This is the woman who runs her finger along a surface then tactically asks about what I’ve been doing all day! Even cheekier when she’s the messiest person I know. But at least for now I couldn’t care less I just want her better and us back as a family of 5.

Hurry Home L I’m missing my partner in crime and as much as I can manage fine on my own I really don’t want to. Life is not quite the same without you by my side.

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Baby Milestones

Baby Milestones

Here I am sitting here trying to fill time to distract me from anxiously staring at the baby monitor. Our smallest tiny human is now a little over 4 months old and this week marks the time she’s been evicted from our room and I’m not exactly on board with this transition. I’m sure the severe lack of sleep is not helping as I’ve spent the day wandering around feeling like a drunk without the enjoyable consumption of tasty adult beverages.

The older girls were all in their own rooms by 3 months so L can’t see what the problem is. Supposedly we are disturbing her good sleep and she doesn’t like the spare room. Yes you can imagine I have a WTF face in full swing over this matter.

I have two issues with the move. Number 1 is the feeding situation. I’m still feeding anything from 1 to 3 times in the night depending on if I make it to bed later than 8pm or if little one is having a growth spurt or if mini pea pod just decides that she just would much rather be attached to my worn nipple rather than be in her own bed. So I didn’t really want to put her in her own room as its further to go and get her. Then I need to decide if I stay up and feed her in the nursing chair or if I bring her back to bed so I can get as much rest as possible.

Number 2 is my perhaps ludicrous overwhelming need to keep my little baby a little baby and for her not to grow up at all!! It’s crackers really as with G being my first I was all “Come on! What’s the next milestone?” But now I’m sad instead of happy at the milestones. They’re a reminder that little people grow up so so quick and that these moments don’t last forever. There is a chance I could be being a little bit sensitive about the whole thing. I mean I hysterically ugly cried on Saturday when we received the induction letter for G’s school. Can you imagine what I will be like in September??? My babies are growing up and I want to freeze time. I’m not ready for this. I’ve only just become a Mum.

Hmm….although I don’t mind if little miss chaos grows up just a teeny bit. Just enough to lose the major attitude that comes with a toddler being adamant they can do everything themselves then realising they can’t and a slight improvement on the bladder control as she chose to squat on my driver seat of the car and relieve herself. But with her smile she can get away with absolutely anything. She even has L wrapped round her finger!

So back to the room move…I hoped that tiny one would HATE her new room, and big cot, but last night she actually slept quite well. That annoys me. Maybe L was right about moving her to her own room as tonight she is also sleeping well so far. I hate it when she is right. But after the 3am feed this morning I didn’t hesitate to get her back in with me. I call it a compromise! Happy Mummy, Happy baby!!!! It was delightful waking up to this little face.

Anyway, rather than me spending time agonising over the inevitable growth of these babies I should be turning my attention and energy to expressing enough milk to afford L and I a whole day off from children when we head to ladies day at Royal Ascot. This has been planned since last year with the lads from work and it’s always a great day out. When pregnancy was dull and I was feeling fed up with missing out on social events this was one of the things I was looking forward to. Some nice, easy, simple fun with good friends! Just hoping that I can keep up with everyone and don’t end up puking, falling over or making a fool of myself since I’m severely out of practice when it comes to drinking alcohol. But letting my hair down is exactly what I need, plus I’ll have my beautiful babies to go home to (And deal with the following day!).

Camping with 3 kids

Camping with 3 kids

If you’re thinking about doing this then it may be a good idea to reconsider ALL of your options like a staycation, visiting a distant relative or just cancelling your annual leave altogether and going to work! All of those options have to be better than going camping with 3 kids. After doing it last weekend I can safely say I would rather rub chillies in my eyes than do it again.

I thought it would be a great idea to take the family camping for the weekend at the Big Church Day Out festival last weekend. L wasn’t keen mainly because she doesn’t like festivals or crowds but I really wanted to go so I did. Big Church Day out is a festival that brings together thousands of Christians from all over the UK and Europe to worship and celebrate all that is good.

The festival has a special place in my heart as we took the girls there last year and it was the day after our embryo was transferred and that little embryo is now our tiniest human. So technically she has been to the festival twice!! I remember thinking about how we could be pregnant the whole day we were there so it’s nice to go back with our little success story.

Thankfully L came with us on the Friday to set up. I was grateful for the extra pair of hands which was needed just to transport all of the stuff. I mean have you seen how much STUFF you need to go camping? Then all the child paraphernalia on top of that! Geepers my car was weighed down and bursting at the seams. Then all that STUFF has to go back home with you and be put away in the right place when all of the excitement of the trip has worn off and all that’s left is the smell of outdoors and portaloos haunting you.

The first night we were all excited and clean and enjoying ourselves. We went out for dinner in the village pub which was lovely and I thought “this is easy. I can totally do this”. Then there was the night. The dark of night set in and the chaotic one decided it would be fine to wake 5 times. Thankfully the tiniest human did me a favour and I only had to get up to feed her once. She is an angel. L whispered “warrior” when I got up and it made me smile and feel strong. When I asked her the next day why she said it her reply was “You just are, and even more so because you’re determined to do this with the kids this weekend”. Aww made me feel all warm, gooey and appreciated inside.

I was sad when L left but I understand her and I know there is no point in forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to. So off we set on our separate ways. I had made this cart to transport the kids around from an idea on pinterest. It was perfect. More so when I managed to recruit someone else to drag them around in it!!! I got loads of comments about it, although I wasn’t feeling quite so smug when I came round a corner too quickly and it rolled over with the bigger girls inside! Bad mum moment! They were fine of course but I certainly took the corners a lot slower after that. So I could be seen over the weekend with the tiny one in a sling strapped to my chest and the two bigger girls being transported along in their wagon. I was sweating! Like full-on-almost-exploding-knee-pit-and-under-boob-sweat sweating!!! Not attractive at all. Thankfully I did manage a shower over the weekend it was just the kids that didn’t!!

We saw some fantastic artists on the various stages and there was loads for the kids to do. They had an absolute ball. The downside was I spent half my time in portaloos with the kids. I tried to make them go when I was there but then they would say they didn’t need it. I would then walk about 500m back to a stage or exhibit and one of them would now need it so I’d have to go all the way back 3 kids in tow with the baby pinned to my chest. That made it interesting when I needed the toilet! I was grateful I had a blocked nose but seriously I was so sick of having to visit those plastic cabins full of dirty mess. You can imagine my WTF face when I dropped my hair towel on the floor in the portaloos and then the grand finale was my friend who gave G a punnet of blueberries. Before I knew it she had ate the lot and nobody needs to clean up that mess, by hand, from a travel dinosaur potty positioned at your camp. L could not hack this as even I was broken!

I don’t think I’ve been so thankful to see my house. It feels like luxury 5 star accommodation in comparison. I was so grateful for running water and toilets that flush but I think L wanted to bleach us all when we arrived back home.

Some bits of the weekend were AMAZING. Spending time with friends, seeing the girls having such a great time outdoors, the artists and sessions we took part in were brilliant, thought provoking and interesting. To top it off I came away with a nice sunkissed glow. But if it hadn’t of been for my friends who helped me out I wouldn’t have lasted the whole weekend so for them I am grateful. Now I could sleep for a week, my body feels like it’s been hit by a bus and all of the prep that went into it was too much. Next year I’m definitely just going for the day. L said she will come too!! Woohoo!

So after that super busy weekend I’ve been smacked in the face with the joys of half term! Seriously why do the nurseries and schools close??! I’ll be there super sharp on Monday morning to drop the noisy ones off as I need some quiet time and my toddler to stop telling me “I don’t like you”!

I need caffeine.

I need caffeine.

Today is a caffeinated drinks and sugar kind of day after very little sleep from having to keep getting up putting the dummy back in to settle the tiny one. How do people do that? It seems counter productive. The other girls never took to a dummy so we never had this experience and I’ve only just stopped wrapping the baby into a burrito and I’m finding she isn’t going off as easily so I’m staggering around like a crazy drunk on this repeated loop of popping that dummy back in to hopefully get at least an hours sleep all the way through. I think I was up at least 6 times last night but I lost count, or the will to live, at about 3am. Surely there has to be a better way?

You’d think by child three I’d have cracked this parenting lark but it just shows you each child comes with its own set of rules and instructions and they’re in a different language so there’s no way of knowing what to do.

To make matters worse, today is swimming day which is my least favourite. It’s just the energy trying to coordinate the three of them with their lunch and then the task of getting them all dressed afterwards. So wish I could pay someone to do this for me! I would pick that over a cleaner or ironer any day.

Roll on September when Mammy will be taking over swimming duties on a Saturday morning and if the kids are really lucky she can be like a McDonald’s Dad and take them for lunch afterwards! She’s in good training after I negotiated for her to take our big girls to a kids party on Sunday along with one of their friends. L was ACTUALLY in charge of 3 kids! Ha ha! Yes! She has three kids too so she will need to get used to it.

Tomorrow I’m leaving them all for the first time ever for a whole afternoon while I head off with friends for a bottomless prosecco lunch. I’m going through a mixture of emotions feeling bad leaving them, especially the little one, who I will need to express for and what if she doesn’t take the bottle? Thankfully I have a back up plan of a super nanny who has accomplished the bottle feed before who can come to the rescue if needed. Then there is a part of me that doesn’t feel guilty one bit. That actually I deserve to let my hair down a little and go have some me time away from the kids. Not too much prosecco though as I can’t be dealing with a hangover on Sunday. That would not be pretty. Plus there is the risk of overdoing it since I’m massively out of practice from a drinking session. It’s been way over a year!

L is currently on a mini break. Well actually that depends on who you ask. Supposedly it’s a work thing. But this work thing involves a meal with colleagues, a night in a hotel and alcoholic beverages. To me that sounds like a mini break!! Anyway supposedly she wasn’t going to drink and was going to go to bed after the meal as she had an early start but sounds like she may have been forced into partaking in some beverages as we didn’t hear from her all night and I get a message this morning saying how she feels a bit swimmy (code for hungover as hell and please clear the diary for the evening as she will be too rough to do anything).

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem as our social calendar is fairly limited at the moment however tonight I had booked a babysitter so we can go for a practice walk as we’re hoping to take part in a hike in July and L wants to do some training. I very much doubt we will be going on any practice walk tonight.

I guess the whole family is feeling a bit weary getting to the end of the week. I asked G to put baby’s dummy in and she said “Mummy I’m sick of this. She needs milk” that’s from a 4 year old! And chaotic isn’t much better she’s the noisiest human in the house but had the cheek to cover her ears for the entire car journey as the tiny human was exercising her lungs. I think we all need a mini break!

More than being a Mum?

More than being a Mum?

It was that point when you’ve recently had a baby and your new normal life has kicked in and you’re thinking “Is this it?”. Not that your unhappy or ungrateful for all you have but just the new routine is sometimes really hard or really dull or both. You feel like maternity leave will last forever and you’re not sure how you will be able to be the mum, the wife and the housekeeper for all that time without having something just for yourself. Well that’s how I felt a few weeks ago.

I feel that in the first few months, or maybe even years, of parenthood you lose yourself as an individual. You are a mum now and your own identity can be lost in this. I think partly it’s down to confidence. You put all of your effort and focus into being a mum so anything outside of that comfort zone feels scary and alien. Right now I look around at my wonderful girls and I feel exhausted. I’m a mum 24/7 with no time for me, Katy. I wonder if all I am is a milk machine feeding round the clock, preparing food for the older girls, constantly doing household chores which are never ending but battling with who I am and how do I flourish in all of this when I don’t even have the time to dry my hair or shave my legs.

My confidence was knocked. I rang the gym to book a class but hung up before I got through as I chickened out of it. Perhaps part of it was the thought of the physical exertion but the other part was being in that environment meeting new people and being on my own! I know! I moan about how I can’t even go to the toilet on my own but then I am scared to be on my own too. My children have become my safety net. When I was pregnant I always felt so confident and sure of myself. I’m not sure if that’s all those hormones boosting me or if it’s just the empowerment that comes with knowing you are responsible for growing a life. But with that gone the thought of me being on my own in some situations is oddly frightening!

For some I know it is enough to be at home and provide for your family but that’s not me. When I’m feeling nervous or scared I think I could be that person but deep down I know I couldn’t.

I was invited to an award ceremony at work. When I first heard about it I said “I’m not going. I won’t fit in my clothes and I don’t feel up to it”. Thankfully L and my good friends encouraged me to just go and enjoy it and I’m glad I did. 9 weeks since the tiny human arrived and I managed to fit into my tailored undress uniform that was measured for me in 2010. Pre kids!! That’s an achievement in itself. Plus I received a certificate for some work that I did last year.

Being at work gave me the reminder that I needed that I am more than just a mum. That I have successes and achievements at work in a career I love, which I want to build on. I felt proud to receive an award especially since my work is so enjoyable and rewarding.

I helped at the local church office the other week and a few people commented on how good I was. This is where people forget that you’re not just a mum but you’re a professional who manages a career. So there is more to me than the tired; dishevvelled looking mum dragging 3 small children around.

Work made me feel like Katy. I came away from the awards really buzzing. It was a blessing in disguise, exactly when I needed it, which was two fold. It made me feel excited about my new role going back to work and that I have something for myself more than being a mum and housewife but what it also did was remind me how this maternity leave is so precious. That before I know it I will be back at work and juggling that work life balance (and probably moaning about it) so I really need to make the most of it as already it is going too fast.

It’s only now that I’m feeling more at ease with my new normal and I’m certainly not going to wish this time away.

Surviving the Easter Holidays

Surviving the Easter Holidays

Is anybody else sick of the rain? Geepers its miserable and it’s the Easter holidays! I think it is selfish that the nursery is closed for 2 whole weeks. Not because I’m concerned for my child’s learning or development but how am I meant to cope with all three kids at home on my own while L works? And why do some people call it the Easter break? It’s not a break for me although it could break me! I’ve been openly dreading it. I love my children so so much but nursery gives me a break, it gives me time to rest and get through the never ending list of jobs that need to be completed to run a household and saves some of my sanity. Then there are those mums who tell you how much they’re looking forward to the holidays as they have so many activities planned and they’re all happy and bouncy talking about how lovely it is to have their darling child home with them every day. I just want to punch them. Weirdos. Go away with your grand pinterest parenting ideas and leave me to kick into survival mode to make it through each day.

Survival mode in reality is me secret eating the kids Easter eggs in the utility room. So if you got our kids an Easter egg please know it’s going to a better cause to keep me alive and happy; plus the tiny human loves chocolate milk! Only thing is I’ve nearly been found out a few times by the chaotic one who can smell chocolate from another room – she’s like her Mammy. It’s now becoming a bit of a challenge getting the chocolate from the fridge, out of the kitchen and into the utility room before being caught red handed by the pint-sized detective. I feel like some sort of secret agent crossed by a ninja but nothing will come between me and my chocolate fix.

My other survival tactic is taking life one day at a time and by doing so I am actually enjoying myself. It’s hard. Like flippin grafting like I’ve never grafted before hard but I’ve loved spending time with all of my girls. I had a complete wobble that I was missing parts of each child growing up and I felt sad (obviously exacerbated with the ridiculous amount of hormones still floating around my body). Now things have slowed down. We don’t have to be anywhere for a certain time and I’m not rushing around. I’ve started to enjoy the good moments more or move on from the crappy times quicker. I’m feeling like I’m there for them all as much as I can be and the guilt is slowly dissipating. Just need to try and get a bit more time with L and then I’ll feel like a winner. I’m hoping she understands I’m choosing sleep over her for now.

I was feeling epic the other morning when I had all 3 kids dressed and ready to leave the house by 8:27 but by 10:27 they were all miserable crying and I was trapped in the car with them stuck in traffic. G cried saying she was too hot and I told her not to be silly then she puked in the car. Now who’s silly?!! Thankfully she perked up once we got out of the car and we took the tiny one to get her first lot of immunisatons. She is 8 weeks already! The time is flying by. Thankfully I didn’t have a chance to get all emotional about inflicting pain on our little one as I was too busy trying to keep the bigger girls occupied. They were a good distraction.

Today I made it to the supermarket with the three kids in tow, picked up everything we needed and took it to the till where I realised I’d left my purse in the car! FFS!!!! I didn’t cry which shows big progress but I left the shopping at the till, made a return trip to the car to retrieve the purse then paid for the food. I did consider if there was a suitable person I could leave the kids with while I legged it to the car which would be so much quicker than taking all of them but there was nobody I knew as I looked desperately around the queues. I would’ve even been happy if super bouncy craft Mum popped up at just the right time to babysit for a minute but she’s probably way too organised and probably done an online shop or grows her own food in the garden.

We are adjusting to being a family of five and I’m learning how to be a mum of three and thankfully it’s getting a little easier. But to do this I’m having to learn to be kinder to myself, to let things go, to cry if I need to and accept help rather than being stubborn. To accept that it’s going to be hard and realise every day I am achieving.

Now to survive one more week of the “break” and it’s when L is jetting off to Vegas with her BFF for a long weekend of partying. Here’s hoping I get more than a “my wife went to Vegas and all she got me was this lousy tshirt” t-shirt when she returns!!!

It does get better!

It does get better!

I’ve just been chatting to a lady in a coffee shop who was cooing over the tiny one who is now 7 weeks old. I now have the ability to chat to strangers and I’m enjoying showing off my not so tiny, almost 10lb, baby. At the end she said “You look so well. Unbelievably well in fact” and at that point I no longer felt like a fraud. I do actually feel better than I have. Don’t get me wrong I’m not 100 percent yet but things are improving. It’s likely I’ll have to have another surgery soon so physically that’s a setback but feeling better emotionally is really helping. Plus who wouldn’t be happy with a hot chocolate, whipped cream and a big fat slice of carrot cake for breakfast! But seriously, I’m not crying all of the time and not wandering around like a complete space cadet feeling unable to cope, and I’m laughing again. It’s baby steps but hey I only produced a whole new life 7 weeks ago!

Don’t get me wrong that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Far from it. I feel like I’m stretching myself so thin and constantly overcome with guilt when I can’t meet the demands of my young family. But I’m giving as much as I can. After the girls have had my all there’s nothing left for L or me but I do know it will get easier….maybe in 18 years!

I’ve had to lower my standards a lot. The baby was out in non matching pink clothes yesterday and G went to nursery with two pairs of knickers on this week which I spotted when she was on the toilet before nursery but by then she had her trousers on and shoes so there was no way I was even trying to rectify that at 08:45 when nursery starts at 9. The next day I completely forgot to put her in the shower after she’d wet the bed in the night so off she went to nursery probably smelling like pee. Poor soul. But in fairness I was flying solo as L was on holiday. Well she’ll tell you she was away with work but she stayed in a hotel, ate hot food in a restaurant and drank alcohol with friends. That sounds awfully like a holiday to Me! She says she’s just getting me ready for when she jets off to Vegas next month with her bestie. Don’t worry I’m making a note of all of these trips and I’m sure by the end of the year I can cash it in for a month in the Maldives ALONE. I daydreamed about it in the bath. I closed my eyes while the big kids were in bed, and before the milk bandit strikes again but just as I was feeling a little bit relaxed I hear “Mummy I need a wee”.
After an eye roll and a few choice words muttered under my breath establishing if she really does need a wee as Mummy is in the Maldives I get up and take her to the toilet then get back in the bath while she sits on the toilet having a FAKE wee as she’s already had 3 wees before bed.
“Mummy why are your eyes closed?”
“I’m wishing I’m on a desert island alone right now”
“Why’s your bath big mummy”
“Because I’m big, now have you finished your wee?”
“I need 5 more minutes Mummy”
I give up! I just wanted 5 minutes of nothing….who am I kidding???

I can’t stop thinking about how lucky we have been with our little newborn with her being so content and relaxed it has made all of the heartache and struggles I’ve been feeling so much easier. Then we got to 4 weeks. Now we always have a little chuckle when people have just had a baby and they’re all excited still and there’s a million pictures on Facebook of how great they are all doing and how good their baby is and you know it gets to about 4 – 6 weeks and things change. The baby stops just feeding and sleeping and starts fussing and you have no idea why or how to stop the terrifying sound of a newborn shriek and you realise you’re still learning about what they like and what will soothe them. Well that’s where we have been but thankfully coming out the other side. It’s when the honeymoon period is over, the adrenalin has dried up and the tears are flowing…from all of us. The low point was when it took me 3 hours to settle the little one for bed one night. I’d feed her she’d settle then she’d poo so I’d change her she’d cry then feed then poo. This went on for hours. The last time I changed her she pee’d on my bed. L was asleep next to me so I couldn’t even change the sheet. To say I was pissed off was an understatement. So I got a towel to cover the wet bit and tried again to settle her. Then the screaming started again. It woke L and then we ended up having a row about what was wrong with the baby and I asked her to go to the spare room and leave us alone. I don’t see the point in us both being tired. Not just because L is like a bear with a sore head when she’s not had enough sleep but because she has to go to proper work tomorrow. Anyway she left then the baby cried and I cried. That was that. I’ve now purchased a dummy and hoping that helps with the 6-9pm witching hours. Obviously I stood for ages perusing the dummy aisle with heart wrenching guilt coming through my body that my baby shouldn’t have a dummy but I managed to stop the tears and have a word with myself. I’ll not be upset about it tonight when it keeps her calm and quiet while I’m catching up on Greys Anatomy!