The ‘Coming Out’ story

I dont have a big WOW coming out story with loads of drama (thank god). I really just fell in love with a woman and then was like ‘oh and that must mean I’m gay’! It was as simple as that.

In fact both L and myself have pretty easy coming out events. When L’s mam found out all she was bothered about was if she wanted peas on her dinner or not! See that’s what’s important!!!

I wish it could be like that for everyone but sadly I have heard some terrible stories where people have been disowned by their families for being gay and that really troubles me. I don’t think I really thought that would happen to me but you never really know how people will react in these situations.

I think people fall into four categories:

1) the ones who really don’t care if you’re with Arthur or Martha and have never seen it as an issue. Love is love.

2) the ones who think it’s great and are weirdly delighted about it. They assume you know Dave and Nigel who live down the road because ‘they’re gay you know!’ They also must ask a million questions to feel they understand the whole world of gaydom.

3) the ones who say they are inclusive but don’t really want it to happen to them/their kids/family.

4) the ones who are just blatantly uncomfortable with all things gay and will never come to terms with it and rather than change their opinions would rather lose someone they love. Evil bozos.

For me it was a simple girl meets girl and they fall in love with a whirlwhind rollercoaster of emotion and live happily ever after. See L… I can continue living my movie.

I remember the very first day I saw her. It was obvious she was gay as to me she was stereotypically gay. You know short hair dyed bright blonde, an eyebrow piercing, and very comfortable shoes. I couldn’t help but be intrigued and I wanted to know more about her.

At the time I met her I was in a really happy relationship with the ‘boy next door’ and I wasn’t looking for anything else. We had been together for a while and known each other for years and I could see myself settling down, getting married and having a family with him so I was very much in shock to have met L and my life was turned upside down.

The first indication to me that I had deeper feelings than friendship was when she told me she was going to snog me at the Christmas party. I blushed so much when she said that, and although it was meant in jest (I think), I secretly hoped it would happen. When there was no drunken snog I was really disappointed! 

I couldn’t help but fall for her but I didn’t even realise I was. I just knew I wanted to spend time with her. She made me laugh so much, like proper belly laughs and she gave me this confidence in myself I hadn’t had before. She just had/has this way with making people feel good and strong and weirdly alive. She’s always been really popular as she’s such a people person. Always loud and outgoing and kind to people. I admired how she could engage with people of different ages and backgrounds but what interested me the most was getting to know the other side of her. It was obvious she was really sensitive deep down and a lot of her crazy personality was a front for the gentle, thoughtful person she really was and it was that I wanted to find out more about.

We started spending time together but after a little while I remember trying to avoid her as I thought she would be trouble. Ha ha! Not wrong there!  Little did I know that was my guard being put up as I was falling for her. I battled with that for a few weeks but she woo’d me with nice dates and trips away and when she told me she loved me my jaw nearly hit the floor. I wasn’t ready for that. I wasn’t expecting that! But I was on cloud 9. I’d never felt so happy and so excited and in love.

I was overly enthusiastic about being in an all woman relationship as I was sure that meant we would do each others hair and nails. I’m even laughing now thinking that I thought that! Those that know L will be able to picture the WTF when I asked if she could do a french plait. Her response was ‘I thought that was something you ate?’.

It was only after we had decided to be together it hit me that ‘oh! That must mean I’m gay!’ A bit of an after thought. It just wasn’t something I was thinking about. Maybe consumed by the moment or maybe it just didn’t matter so much. In all honesty it just felt natural but I guess that is just a indication that it was the right decision and our paths were meant to cross and we would be together.

Anyway we settled down quickly. Moved in together fast. Had a house after 6 months. Basically got boring speedy! The highlight of our week was fajita Tuesday when our friend would come over and fill us in on her latest internet dating drama. We used to really look forward to it as it was better than any soap on the telly. We were gutted when she settled down!!!!

I then had to pluck up the courage to start telling people. I remember texting my friend on Christmas eve and her response was ‘Ah I see that’s why you wear dungarees and kickers boots’! Erm no I thought that was just fashionable.

I told my mum on mothers day. What a lovely gift eh? Ha ha! She said she already knew. My dad was the same. Why oh why can’t people come up to you and say ‘hey I have a feeling you and L might be more than just friends and that’s ok so don’t worry about feeling awkward to tell me!’ That would’ve saved me a few bags under the eyes and hours of practicing conversations in my head where I find the top 10 reasons being gay is ok!!! My responses got a bit weak by no 5, not because I don’t think it is ok, but just because how many times can you reword love is love and explain that we can save money by sharing clothes and shoes??? (Although the only clothes we can share are socks!)

Slowly slowly more of our network found out about us and the majority of our friends didn’t bat an eyelid. We started getting Christmas cards from one of the lads addressed to KD Lang and Martina Navratilova and there was always a Cheryl Cole calendar gifted from someone. We did lose a couple of ‘friends’ along the way but I’m glad we got rid of them early on as they’re not worthy of our time and energy. Screw you haters 😉

So for us the experience wasn’t bad at all. If I could do it all again I would tell people sooner to get rid of those sleepless nights and worrying about what people might say. Just by telling them then you know straight away where you stand and can move on. We are very lucky to be surrounded by people who couldn’t give a monkeys and I hope that as time goes on this becomes the norm for everybody.

 

 

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