So after insemination you have the two week wait. 2WW as known on all the forums about conception that I read constantly night and day for the first two goes. First time I was certain I was pregnant. You start driving yourself crazy. I must be pregnant I’m tired. You get tired when you’re pregnant don’t you. Actually now I feel really hyper. Yes! I must be pregnant as you get a surge in hormones making you energetic and I feel sick and people definitely feel sick when pregnant.
No! Stop! I just scoffed a family size bar of fruit and nut then washed it down with a can of coke. That’s why I feel sick and that’s why I’m hyper. Idiot!
I even called my friend and told her I must be pregnant. It was about 8 days after insemination and I had walked past the chippy in our village and HAD to have a battered sausage. I cannot believe I needed the battered sausage so I must be having cravings and be pregnant. What an absolute berk! No! I’m just a greedy glutinous pig who has a random taste for absolutely rank food. I AM NOT PREGNANT and no I wasn’t!
The first time I think was the hardest. To do a test and it be negative and to feel that utter heartache and feeling that it would never work and you would never get pregnant. There were Leaky eyes and everything.
Second time I didn’t think I was and I was right. We had only ordered in 3 lots of sperm so we only had one shot left with this batch. When we started out we tried to be all sensible and discussed how many times we would try and what we could and couldn’t afford etc. We both agreed that we would give it the three goes and then stop and save for a bit to try again but that’s before we got really involved in it emotionally and physically. That was before we felt like we got so close but didn’t make it over the finish line.
With the 1st and 2nd rounds that discussion didn’t feel so heavy and so hard as we still had another shot and it might work. But after the 2nd go was a negative it meant our options were now running out.
I remember wanting to talk to L about it but being nervous. I knew I was now in this process and for me I didn’t want to stop until we had our baby but I was so worried she wouldn’t feel the same. That she would be sensible and cautious and talk me down. Maybe even make me see sense. When I did finally pluck up the courage I was so relieved and happy to hear she felt exactly the same. That she too wasn’t going to give up and that we were on the same page. Phew!
So the plan was try this go and if it was unsuccessful then to try IVF for the next round which has a higher success rate but was about 5 or 6 times the cost of the IUI treatment we were having.
So third time lucky they say. This time we kept it all hush hush. We didn’t tell friends or family we were trying as we didn’t want to have to share our disappointment if it didn’t work out….again! It was a really relaxing few weeks. There was none of this trying to be an earth mother preparing my body in the best possible way to get pregnant. I was done with that. I’d tried it and it hadnt worked and L was so sick of me being so intense about what I was eating and drinking so I thought screw it. For all we knew the process could take ages.
We went back to our hometown for a few days and got completely bladdered! There were cocktails, shots of sambucca and even a dodgy kebab at the end of the night. I blame that kebab for how ill I felt when we turned up at the fertility clinic after the trip seriously hungover. Supposedly that’s frowned upon as alcohol and fertility are big no nos. Who knew?! Not Sandra from down the road who had herself a few cheeky ciders before her big night out and ended up getting lucky round the back of the nightclub. She didn’t have a problem with alcohol and fertility when 9 months later baby Chantelle arrived!
3rd time round the two week wait went pretty quick. I was busy with work which took my mind off things and I was also conscious that the more I go on about every twinge or feeling it may also get L hopes up and I didn’t want her to be more disappointed than we would be anyway. In some ways I felt like I was responsible for the outcome and it was all on me. I didn’t want to let her down again. Silly!
I remember the day of testing so well. I had resided myself to the fact it had been unsuccessful and we would be moving on to IVF. Off I went peed in a pot and dropped some drops onto this pregnancy kit we had to use from the clinic (not your normal pee on a stick type) and then we set the timer.
It was the other half’s job to then check the result while I took up the fetal position on the bed to protect myself from the ‘it hasn’t worked’ news. Anyway L is the person who never reads instructions and would certainly never ask for directions to the point it’s frustrating. She came in holding the test with a stupid confused look on her face, which wasn’t from the result, it was from her inability to follow simple instructions no matter how many times I explain them to her!! Out came the words ‘I think we are pregnant?!?!?’
I’ve never moved so quickly. Eh? Huh? What are you saying? Show me the frickin test! And yes she was right. We were pregnant! I can still see our faces – utter disbelief, pure elation, floods of tears (from both of us) and a little bit of ‘oh shit! We are having a baby’!
I will cherish that moment forever.